[FIN] through a glass darkly (Lorina)

[Zenethil]

The delicate sounds of a harp could be heard outside of Zenethil's house, as he played, eyes closed, rocking back and forth as he focused on nothing but the music. The Song of Storms. One of his favourite pieces. It soothed him, strangely, despite being both very difficult to maintain the comparative fast pace, as well as the very nature of the song being a very powerful and moving song. He explained it as being immersed in the music, he was able to shut out everything around him.

Fingers played across the strings, a peaceful smile upon his face as he wove his orchestral tapestry, nimbly plucking at each note with graceful efficiency and precision, never once falling out of time with the speed that he had started at, never once missing a note, or even mistiming them with the others in a chord pattern. Everything, except for the slow movements of his head, and the plucking motions of his arms, fingers and hands, remained perfectly still, as though frozen in place. He never ceased, before plucking out the last notes, drawing it out to a close, breathing for a moment, before beginning to play a song that apparently Zelda had been played as a lullaby as a child.

[Lorina]

Lorina had hardly slept well at all the night before, instead spending the hours staring blankly at her bedroom ceiling. She had contemplated many things, and had even entertained the notion of simply running. The young girl did not like to think of herself as cowardly, and had soon thrown the idle thought away. Her father would have been worried sick, and would have sent Knights out to find her the moment her disappearance was known. An embarrassment to the Knight Commander that he could not even control his daughter, and there was enough gossiping whispers about her as is. Perhaps she could spend the entire day in bed, and no one would disturb her restless mind. To savor who she was before everything changed for the worse, because she knew this would not be the outcome anyone would want. The cat was intelligent and wise, but cats were not known for their altruism. No choice for her to decline, and so Lorina slowly raised herself from her bed.

The motions of getting herself ready for the day were mechanic, and the distance in her eyes was even more pronounced than normal. She had said nothing since the night before, and had no wish to. The sounds of a harp playing were vaguely acknowledged, and Lorina placed her brush upon her vanity. She moved through the house like a ghost, slowing her movements to prolong her remaining time as herself. Nairore was not even here to support her, and she wondered what her sister was doing this very moment. Oh, she desperately hoped her sister was succeeding in her training, and would find the happiness she needed so much. She soon found herself standing quietly within the doorway, watching as her father played the harp. A soothing melody it was, but it did nothing to alleviate her woes as it did for him. Lorina lingered for a moment by the doorway before silently venturing into the room.

She did not say a word as she took a seat upon a vacant chair, and gazing listlessly at the ceiling above her. If only she could withdraw completely into her mind, but there were some things she wished to keep away from herself. Memories her father wanted to bring back, and a fear she was content with living in. The room before her melted away, and she imagined herself sailing easily away along a gentle river current. Rabbit was beside her upon the lily pad, and the beautiful scenery of her world passed her idly by. No chaos of reality to disturb her, and Lorina was content to escape from what disturbed her for a little while longer.

[Zenethil]

Zenethil didn't notice Lorina had entered the room until he finished playing. The last few notes drew to a harmonious close, ringing for a while as he opened his eyes, readjusting to permitting himself sight once again. She was sat with a vacant expression on her face, the seemingly normal manner in which she existed. He nodded shallowly, his expression stoically void of all emotion. He stood, moving the harp delicately out of the way, pulling his chair over to sit across from her.

Good morning Lorina.

He smiled faintly, gently stroking her cheek with one hand, the other clasping her hand gently. He was glad that he had been playing music for most of the morning. He didn't want to think on what exactly he was about to do, lest he decide against the decision. He would either do this today, or never. He looked into her eyes, affection and apprehension visible in his own.

I hope you're rested.

[Lorina]

The river was soothing and calm, going on for forever if she so wished it. Lorina listened to the idle chatter of Rabbit, smiling distantly at his constant reminders of punctuality. Calm and tranquility surrounded her, but there was something shimmering along the edges of her vision. A darkening sky with a spiral of smoke beginning to rise. Peace was shattering around her, and Lorina merely watched as her haven began to break down around her, signifying the barriers she had carefully constructed beginning to fall all over again. The pristine water blackened and became chaotic in the current, and she watched as Rabbit disappeared in a roar of flame and ash. The music had ended, and she could see her father's blurred face in front of her. Falling, falling, and no one to stop it from happening. Fire and ash devouring all in her sight, and the world in her mind was succumbing to her insanity after all these years. Blue eyes flickered right and left, witnessing scenes only she could see. Fear and desperation flickered briefly before disappearing into the void of her mind once again.

"Into the hole again, we hurried along our way into a once-glorious garden now seeped in dark decay," she stated sadly. Lorina had uttered the words the night before, and nothing had changed. Her hand held by his was limp within his grasp, and she said no more upon the matter. Lorina had not slept at all, and the faint circles beneath her eyes would give way to that fact. If she could distance herself from reality, then perhaps the pain would not be as great. The fire within her mind slowly died away, and she pulled herself from getting too close to the memories. Instead she now sat within a heavily weeded and decayed forest, the grinning face of the cat before her. The vision began to clear from her mind, and soon reality flooded back into her senses.

Lorina still remained quite limp within his grasp, and she peered at her father with shadowed eyes. If he was hoping to gain a 'normal' response from her, then he would be disappointed. There was no point in attempting to be content with this choice made for her, and all she could offer was her silent compliance. Today she would wall, and all would see what could be found within the fire and ashes. Staring at the ceiling once more, errant tears began to fall down her pale cheeks, but she made no notice of it.

[Zenethil]

He shook his head lightly her words, her manner, her utter lack of will. It was soul-destroying. Any inkling of doubt he once had evaporated. This was enough of a reminder of quite how bad she could get, to completely obliterate the possibility of her remaining as she was. Her doing this disturbed and shocked him. And yet her tears rent his soul. He never took his eyes off of her, locked with her own, sighing lightly, before retracting his hands for a moment, steeling himself.

Brace yourself.

He moved his hands on either side of her head, slowly, closing his eyes as he did so. He cleared his mind, voiding everything except the desire to heal his fragile, adoptive daughter. His hands began to glow with a radiant gold light, pulsing, incandescent. He could feel power coursing through his veins. His fingers reached her temples, the light beginning to flood over her face, bathing her in the energy. He opened his eyes, the entirety of his sockets filled with the same golden light, piercing into her eyes. He spoke, voice resonating with the same power that coursed through his veins.

Remember.

A simple word, punctuated by his hands making contact with her hands, two fingers on each temple, thumbs beneath her eyes, palms over her cheeks, holding her firmly, but not so hard as to injure her. His brow furrowed in concentration, his eyes, glowing ever brighter, unable to betray any emotion, his face set in a near emotionless state of mind, trying to cleanse the blocks within her mind. His thoughts bent to that single purpose.

[Lorina]

Lorina blinked slowly, seeing the gold light that began to emanate from her father. Part of her desired to pull back and run, but she steeled herself against her baser fears. She had accepted to do this, and she would see this through. There was enough lucidity for her to consider that, and her fingers soon curled tightly around the fabric of her white dress. Sharp, small claws piercing the fabric easily, but it would keep her from lashing out in fright. Her heartbeat began to race as his hands rested against sides of her face, and the roaring of her pulse deafened her to everything else. Lorina struggled at the mental intrusion, a strong feeling of wrongness at the foreign magic invading her very mind. A flicker of the sinister grin of the cat had her stopping her sudden struggle, and soon he whole body materialized before her. His emaciated form was familiar and of comfort, and would as her guide throughout the memories she had long ago buried. Yellow eyes moved from her, and stared piercingly at the magic that represented her father's presence in her mind.

'Seek and ye shall find they say, but they don't say what you'll find,' he warned with a purring lilt to his voice. Lorina obediently followed the cat in silence, leaving her father to follow after her if he wished to. A decayed and burnt forest burst into existence around them, and in the distance stood the dilapidated house of her childhood. Where she had lived with her mother, father, and her sister. Buried so deep in her mind and world, and she had not ventured here at all in the years. Her steps stopped, and she hesitated in even venturing into the long abandoned house, and the sudden roaring of a fire engulfed the ashen house. The cat paused in his own steps, and soon his yellow eyes ventured onto the two behind him, his eerie grin still in place. 'Confront what frightens or offends you, my dear,' he advised sharply.

Lorina bit her bottom lip, but she headed his words as she always had. The fire raged and roared, and so she ventured into the long hidden memory. Flame engulfed her form, and the cat soon vanished from her sight, along with her current surroundings. As if time had rewound itself, and a younger version of herself was placed within a dimly lit bedroom that had once been her own. Whispered murmurings of peaceful dreams from her mother as she doused the candle beside her bed, and kissed her lightly upon her forehead. The door shut with an ominous click, and so she buried herself beneath the covers. She distanced herself from the dream-memory, suddenly trying to build back the walls that had protected her for so long. Pushing against her father's magic, struggling in one last vain attempt as escaping what would no doubt break her all over again.

[Zenethil]

Initially, it took next to no effort to keep her moving forward, to keep her locked within her voyage of discovery. He focused on little except contributing his considerable abilities to keeping her mind intact. Her sanity, what was left of it, from shattering. His hands glowing lessened slightly as he let her mind wander, unconsciously seeking the answer to her plight.

Then everything shifted. He, for the first time, heard, faintly, a voice. One that was not his. Or hers. Or the Goddesses. Something infinitely more sinister. At first he saw nothing. Then he, like her, was engulfed in flames. Distanced as he was from the intimacy of the memory, he felt nothing but a faint tinge of surprise. He was actually bearing witness to her darkest memory. Of that fateful night where her peaceful life had disintegrated, immolated, turned to ash, her sanity burned away in that consuming hellfire. And she fought now. A push, frantic, provoking his response. He uttered a single word, his hands and eyes reigniting with their full power.

No.

It was not a request. Or a suggestion. It was a command. He pushed back, forcing her mind into the memory, but shielding it from the malign effects it would have on her as best as he could. He could not stop the pain. But he could stop the damage. He continued, unheeding of the voice that he had heard, as he began to hum a tune delicately. The Song of Healing, and his unconscious mind could hear the resonant sounds of the same tune, but played by an ethereal orchestra. It was a peaceful harmony, as he pressed for her to continue.

[Lorina]

The resonating word had her pushing against him in a near feral behavior, her own slamming against his harshly before his forced her back into the memory. If only she could scream or wail, but she merely ceased her trembling from beneath the blankets. Prowling the edge of her memory was the cat, who kept a wary and slightly hateful eye on the man forcing her to endure her worst memories. The silence was only broken by a song slowly being hummed by her father in an attempt to calm her down. She closed her eyes, distancing herself from the attempt at trying to soothe her her anxieties. An unexpected bitterness colored her emotions, and so she would allow her father to see if everything if he wished to. Lorina slowly eased herself from the covers, watching her door with a quiet trepidation, remembering vaguely what would happen next. This was worth the suffering, right? She had convinced herself of something else for that night, and it had been that her sister had merely been mumbling in her sleep, and those that had inspected her burned house blamed her old cat for starting the fire. Honestly, the Song of Healing was merely acting like a suspenseful tune to give way to what would be happening soon enough.

A creaking of stairs alerted her to a presence within her home, and she swallowed nervously. Her door was closed, but she remembered she had always been a inquisitive and curious girl. She still was in many ways, but now she hated that trait about herself so very, very much. Sliding from her bed, Lorina made her way to her bedroom door, pressing her small hands against the cool wood. Leaning her ear against the door, she tried to listen to the steps there growing closer and a little louder as the intruder made his way from the stairs and into the hallway. Her breath was held in anxiety, and there was a pause right outside her door. Blue eyes widened in fear, and Lorina wished she could forget. Holding completely still, she waited for the forever long pause in his step resume, and the intruder ventured further down the hall. Her parents' bedroom had been downstairs, and the only other person up here was her sister.

Lorina nearly wailed at the thought, and she could hear the sound of her sister's door being opened quietly and closed a moment later. Her actions were predetermined, and soon she was opening her own door. Padding down the hallway on small feet, she wanted nothing more than to stop herself, but she could not. A quiet struggle, and the beginning of a scream soon being muffled. N-no, Angie had been talking in her sleep that night. This was not right! Materializing beside her was the emaciated cat, eerie smile leering up at her with reproach. 'Abandon that hope! You know well what happened, and you cannot ignore it any longer. You know that Angie was not talking in her sleep that night," he purred. Slinking around her ankles, the cat sat himself beside the door, golden eyes watching her closely. Lorina trembled at the brutal words, but he had never lied to her, even if most of his advice was worded in vague riddle. Fear had stopped her from opening her sister's bedroom door, but she could hear the horrid noises, and to a then ten-year-old girl it had been traumatic. She did not want to witness this anymore!

[Zenethil]

The scene that confronted the two of them as he forced her to relive this memory was... Terrible. The sounds from her sisters bedroom were unmistakable. Anger pulsed through him. It was a violation. Not just to Lorina, but to her sister. He restrained his fury, focusing on keeping Lorina within the memory, despite her protestations. And again, that voice echoed in his mind... And now, he saw something, a visage of the single most emaciated cat he had ever seen. An eyebrow raised, looking at the cat, as it grinned almost maniacally at him. So this is what she saw in her daydreaming. He concentrated again, outside the memory, his humming continuing, even as the light streaming from his hands and eyes intensified further. Within the memory, he spoke to her, a soft voice.

Stay strong Lorina. You must witness this. You cannot back down now.

His memory self walked behind her, holding her shoulders gently, light streaming from his hands like they were in his true being. He sought to comfort her, to prevent her sanity from snapping like a twig. All doubt lay cast aside. They were too far in now to retreat. The point of no return had long since vanished. To back down now would break her more surely than facing her fears totally. He focused harder, their two real selves beginning to glow with the energy that flowed from his body.

[Lorina]

There was a horrible fascination with the sounds coming from the closed bedroom, and Lorina stared at the wooden door. She should have screamed for her parents or opened the door herself, but she remembered how she had stood there in her fear and confusion. How paralyzed she had become, while her sister was in there with that disgusting excuse of a man. The cat beside her purred in a soothing manner, but she merely stared with wide blue eyes and tears beginning to form in the glassy orbs. Her lungs stopped working, and all she could understand were those horrible, horrible noises from within the room. Why was she not screaming for help yet? Her small hands reached for the doorknob when a horrible screech stopped her. All was still for a horrible moment, and soon her hands were covering her mouth to keep herself silent. There had been a shattering sound, and everything had stopped.

A jingling of the doorknob had Lorina fleeing down the hall without heed, hurling herself into her bedroom and onto her bed. She buried herself under the covers and ignored the footsteps beginning to tread down the hall. Her door had been left open, but her fear was too potent for her to care. Her breath was held, and all she could hear and feel was the beating of her erratic heart. All she wanted was for this memory to stop, stop, stop! Padding into her room was the cat, keeping an ever watchful gaze upon her. She could see through her thin blanket the shadow of the man in her doorway, and how he was pausing right outside her open door. Lorina prayed for everything that he would not come inside, but all he did was reach in to close her own door. A silent exhale escaped her lips, and she slowly left the safety of the covers. A bad dream was all this had been, and she must have been sleep walking again. Angie would tease her in the morning about making those noises to be funny, and everything would be fine.

Hugging her legs to her chest, she did not realize the panicked sobs that were consuming her. A small clattering noise met her ears, and she shot up. Silence and she moved herself to press against her door. What was happening now? Moments ticked by so slowly, and the subtle smell of smoke soon reached beneath the crack of her door. Freezing for but a second, Lorina began to scream in terror at the first signs of the fire. Clawing at her door, she soon realized she had been locked in herself. Small claws raked at the wood of the door, a terrible screeching escaping her lips as she threw herself at the door in a wild panic. She was going to die! Die, die, die like her poor sister. "Let me out! she screamed, the fire soon consuming it's way up the stares along with the footsteps of her parents.

[Zenethil]

The terror that gripped Lorina washed over him, like a tidal wave of emotion. So powerful even his almost indestructible resolve was tested. He focused more, listening to everything, continuing to wash her in the soothing golden light, his hands beginning to tremble slightly from the exertion, his eyes screwing shut, head twisting to the side as he forced himself to keep her within the memory, the jingle of the doorknob echoing the tone of his strained humming for a moment. It was eerie, as he watched her bolt toward her own room. He shifted instantaneously into her room, watching the open door, before Lorina came hurtling in, throwing herself onto her bed.

She was utterly terrified. The way she clutched to the thin blanket was testimony to that. He watched the doorway again, as the shadow she remembered obscured the frame for a moment, before closing the door near-silently. Unfortunately, because she didn't have any memory of the identity, he couldn't see anything more than a silhouette. Her panicked sobbing was the only thing that he could hear now, his conscious self ceasing humming, so intent on keeping her bottled into the memory was he. He watched as she moved to the door, her tiny ear pressed against it to listen to the shadow's movements.

The next few moments hurtled by in a blur. The terror at the scent of acrid smoke. He could smell it too, filling his memory self's nostrils, her terror washing over him. The start of a fire. The same fire that had killed her parents. Her sister. Had almost killed her. Left her broken and scarred. Her cries and clawings at the door, his own exhaustion at trying to keep her within the memory starting to make his concentration waver. Still he held on, watching, listening to her screams. And still the cat sat, unmoving, like him observing. And unlike him, with the same grin plastered on it's abhorrent face. Something about it un-nerved him ever so slightly...

[Lorina]

Why was no one doing anything to help her!? Lorina was going to choke and cough on the acrid smoke until it burned her from the inside out. Her frantic pounding against the door grew, using her small claws to gouge at the wood. She was clawing deep enough to draw blood from the fragile skin around her fingers, and her voice was growing shriller in her wails and cries. A frantic pounding at her door was hardly hear, and suddenly her door was kicked in harshly. A scream froze in her throat, and the eerie glow of the orange flames was easily seen. Paralyzed at the sight of that horrific flame, she did not realize that her mother was pleading with her to snap out of it and follow her out. Questions about her sister, and questions on whether she could hear her. Glassy eyes stared up at her frantic mother, and no answer escaped her hoarse and raw throat. The cat watched the scene with vague interest, displeasure shining within his eyes as he glanced over at the other silent observer. Oh, if looks could kill at all.

Lorina was soon grabbed by her mother, and could only feel the pain of the flames as they lashed and burned her pale, delicate skin. Down the burning stares, and soon out the smoking house into the dead of night. Dumped outside her dying home to watch as her mother was consumed by flames as she disappeared back into the house. Angie would not answer, because her sister was dead. Lorina had heard her death screech, and she sat there staring numbly at her burning house. The cat materialized by her side, watching the burning home as all was consumed in ash and brimstone. Everything was laid before her, and all she could see was a fissure of where her peace and now her pain began. Her numbness broke, and a pained screamed escaped her lips as she collapsed on herself. 'Only the savage find the endurance of pain as the measure of worth,' the cat replied coldly, staring out where Zenethil was watching.

Lorina was too lost in her pain, and all she could feel was the burning of the flames and the rending pain of her carefully constructed barriers ripping apart around her. All had been seen and done, and the cat was through allowing her to play host to her father. 'You are done here now,' he hissed. A manipulation in Lorina's untapped magic was sent to hurtle the Knight from her torn mind. All was locked within, and only the cat would know what would happen next. It was time to repair everything before all went to ruin and there would be nothing left.

[Zenethil]

The full and terrible truth of her terror became completely apparent as he watched, pity swelling within him. The poor child, inadvertently, in her own terror, had condemned her own mother to death. Her silence had caused her mother to go back in to the searing inferno that would become her funeral pyre. It was a horrible thing to witness, even as an onlooker, let alone having to relive the memory. Doubt clouded his mind, a rarity. Would this really help? He prayed to the goddesses that it would.

And still, the words of the cat burned into his thoughts, almost painfully. A dramatic realisation surged into his mind, obscuring his thoughts, even as Lorina screamed. He longed to go forward and comfort her, but was torn. He had, in his desire to aid her, caused her this pain. Quickly, he steeled himself. No. This was not a measure of worth. It was her finding herself. He shook the thoughts from his head, stepping toward Lorina. And then the cat spoke again.

Zenethil's head whipped round to see the two eyes, vindictive and vengeful, staring into his own. A split second passed, and in that moment, the memory exploded into fragments. His mind was wracked by a searing pain, his corporeal self losing its grip of Lorina, slumping backwards against the floor, Zenethil's mouth open wide, the last dying vestiges of the memory flickering before his eyes, until only those piercing eyes remained. His hands went to the side of his head, unable to focus on anything but the blinding pain that wracked him. Instinctively, with a single word, the pain vanished, his own magics sustaining him, before he sat up, looking on at Lorina, now huddled in a ball, wailing and shrieking.

He moved to comfort her, his arms cradling her tiny frame, the wash of pain clouding any other thoughts but three. The first was remorse. That she should have to bear such agony. The second was hope. That it would allow her to live the life she had deserved. And the third, worst of all, was uncertainty, such an alien feeling to him. Who, or what was that creature that lurked in her mind? What would it do to her? What had it done to him? How would it change things? He set these thoughts aside, as he hummed reassuringly to Lorina, eyes closed as he did so, whispering words of comfort.

[Lorina]

All Lorina could see was the golden eyes of the cat staring at her through her shrieks and wails of grief and pain. For once there was no grin upon his gaunt features, and everything around her was crumbling into a blazing inferno and smoke. Her Wonderland was being destroyed, and it was all her fault. All of it had been her fault, because she had not done a thing. Lorina was just as guilty as that man that had violated her sister, and now she was paying for her inaction. What was she to do? Years and years of intricate imaginings and a world so vast were burning so rapidly within just a few moments. The cat dematerialized from her sight, and all she could feel was the burning of the inferno as it began to consume even her as well. Perhaps this was what should have happened to begin with. It would have been far better had she died in the fire with her family, then bear this guilt and the full knowledge of what had happened. Let it burn and let everything cease to be.

Numbness vanished in an instant, and soon her screams were bursting forth and an all too familiar presence was meshing itself into the broken seams of her mind. Lorina did not feel her father's arms around her as reality began to collide with the pain of her mind. Her hands moved to clutch at her head as burning tears ran down her cheeks. Her usual blue eyes were swirling with an odd gold, staring upward at her father in hatred and accusation. Her lips moved to mouth his name, and she suddenly launched herself at him in a frenzy. Her sharpened nails reached out to claw at any visible skin as she hissed and shrieked curses and words of her guilt. "You made me! I did not want to remember!" she howled brokenly.

Her body suddenly froze in an odd manner, eyes wide and unseeing as they flickered back and forth. The gold in her eyes dimmed as the cat melded his presence into her mind, and began to slow repair of her torn Wonderland. Lorina dropped like a dead weight, her mind taking her away from reality once more as she sank into a comforting blankness. The damage had been done, and it would take time before any could see how her mind would either heal or fracture even more.

[Zenethil]

He could have easily restrained her. Or shielded himself in some way. Magically or physically. But he did not. Her nailed dug into his flesh, drawing blood in a few spots, her frenzied, almost berserk, incandescent fury, as intense as that terrible fire, bearing the pain she now inflicted upon him, each tiny laceration somehow felt deserved. She was right. He made her. And she didn't want to remember. The gold in her eyes seemed at odds with her normal, endearing blue. It was the same gold as the cats. And it worried him.

What worried him more was the sudden rigidity, the lapse of the gold, before she went limp into his arms. His face, remaining as stoically dispassionate at always, unable to display the confusion, remorse and a feeling verging on anguish he now felt. What had he done to her? He knew what he hoped he had done. But what had he actually done? Doubt and worry clouded his mind again, as he held her to him, kissing her forehead gently, even as she descended into the depths of her fantasy, so he presumed, once again.

For several hours he sat there, unmoving, watching her silently, confusion racing through his mind, the scene looking like something from a painting, or some great epic, depicting a warriors loss. But no epic would ever tell a tale so grim and heart-rending as this one. Of a girl trapped by her mind, finally being forced to break those chains, by a man who, despite his heart being in the right place, now bore the guilt of causing such pain. He held her tightly, thinking on to the morrow, silent as the night, still as a breathless sky.

[FIN]